Being Someone: If you posed this question to a fourth grader, what do you suppose their answer would be? “If a person were invited to speak to your class today and you saw them walking down the hall, how would you know that they are ‘somebody!’?” Better still, if you asked that same question to a high school student or to someone you work with, what do you think his or her response would be?
This question, seemingly so simple, deals with our notion of self and self-worth. From an early age most seem to have an innate desire to be valued, to have self-worth, which is often measured by value others place on us. From an early age most people are taught that their value is defined by how they look, what they have, how they behave. This is reinforced by television, radio, and other external sources.
Children learn these lessons early, often from their parents. Many studies have shown that children who are praised and taught their internal value (or spiritual value) have higher self-esteem than those children who are told they will never amount to anything or are taught that value is defined by materialism. It’s obvious to most rational adults that we can create a direct connection to what we teach and value. What we teach and value can, however, be double-edged swords.
Let’s go back to our original question and see what the children said. In several classes the question above was posed and the top answers were: (1) you would know they were “somebody” by the car they drove; (2) you would know they were “somebody” by the clothes they wore; (3) you would know they were “somebody” by the shoes on their feet and (4) lastly by their watch. Note that all of the evidence that a person was “somebody” centered on material trappings. Very seldom did one of the students respond; “you would know ‘somebody’ by how they treated another.”
Unfortunately, the students had, by the fourth grade, been conditioned to determine human value by material possessions. The notion of self and self-value was being established by surroundings, not internal spiritual worth. We found that the older the students got, the more they were connecting value and acceptance with material trappings.
This creates a foundation for what appears today to be an ethical conundrum. We see ethics breeches all around, in fact, reported in abundance. People making the wrong unethical choices – suffering negative consequences – and yet, recent ethics studies (2006: www.teenadvice.about.com) show that teens would act unethically to get ahead. While that number, as a percentage had dropped from a similar ethics study in 2003 done by JA Worldwide (Junior Achievement) and Deloitte & Touche USA LLP (Deloitte), the reality is a problem with ethics still exists.
“We believe it is incumbent upon organizations to create a culture that values personal integrity and expects ethical behavior,” said James H. Quigley, CEO of Deloitte & Touche USA LLP. “When students tell us they can be swayed under pressure, it’s a call for help. Supporting education and dialogue about ethical decision-making is an important way we can encourage kids who may have difficulty making the right choice, and it’s a long-term investment in fostering a high standard of integrity in the marketplace.”
The initial responses written in this article were made by fourth graders in North Carolina back in 1996. On this day they were addressed by three people, who by all accounts, were defined as “nobody.” These children were addressed by inmates from Federal Prison. Each inmate shared their personal story in hopes that some impression might be made early to sway the opinion of the child and give support to making positive ethical choices.
“Perhaps, if we can help others see the consequences of the choices we made, they won’t make the same mistakes,” stated one inmate named Ted. While the inmates called them mistakes, society called them crimes and all were ethics breeches. There was a passion in their hearts to reach out and provide truth about unethical choices.
The messages were powerful and, make no mistake, the children – especially at that age – took it all in. Two followed up with letters which are excerpted as follows:
Dear 11642.058,
Thank you for coming to talk to us about what you did when you were young, so I will not do it. I’m really glad you came.
Sincerely,
Stacy
Another wrote:
Dear 11642.058,
I really loved your speech a lot. I wish that you were out of jail, so that you could write back to me.
Sincerely,
Josh
Exposed to a hard dose of ethical reality in the fourth grade, these children today would be in college. One can only hope that the effort to touch these lives early had some influence. It is true that once taught, it is in the brain and at some point the truth they heard that day will be a reminder to them as they make ethical choices everyday. Certainly, as the CEO of Deloitte said, “Supporting education and dialogue about ethical decision-making is an important way we can encourage kids.” He’s right!
The Choices Foundation is a non-profit organization that has a mission to provide just those ethics services. High school and University students are targeted to hear keynotes, workshops, and presentations about ethics and their consequences – either negative or positive. As you read this article if you feel that you would like to sponsor an ethics keynote, workshop, or presentation to a high school, college or university – please visit his Choices Foundation web page. for more information.
