We are in a rather strange time in our human history, I think. Parents, educators and leaders are often approaching the children who grace their lives not from the standpoint as being their mentors or role models, but as their “best friends” or treating them as simply, younger adults. The consequences are sometimes leading to ethically tragic endings.
I am certainly not calling for a return to the good old days when paddles and slaps were used in place of respect, love and common sense but I am (oh horror!) suggesting that children are children and they need guidance. Your 12 year old child is not your best friend; he or she is a child who needs your love and support – and sometimes it must be tough love and guided support.
On Sexting
Be honest with me, does the term “Sexting” cause you to momentarily blush or take your thoughts to places that maybe aren’t comfortable? Think then, how the same emotions might affect a 14 year old. And before we go any further, please spare me the arguments that your 12 year old niece is savvy about sexual matters far beyond her years, or that your 13 year old boy knows more about sex than you do.
Children (although they think they’re adults) don’t understand the ethical and legal implications of their actions especially in regard to matters of a sexual nature. Yet, every action and choice has a consequence.
“Sexting is not harmless and it is not part of growing up, but is potentially very dangerous. Indeed, Sexting (a type of sexual play for teens) can lead to Child Porn convictions and potentially label someone a sexual predator for life. Am I over-reacting here? Not so fast.
Courts as Parent
In an article by Kevin Conlon for CNN (January 10, 2014) entitled: “Canadian teen convicted of ‘sexting’ photos of boyfriend’s ex,” we are introduced to a case of child pornography charges against a 16 year old girl accused of posting material of her boyfriend’s ex-girlfriend online. The girl has also been accused of making online threats against the ex-girlfriend as well.
In the article, Crown Prosecutor Chandra Fisher said:
“The accused was not at all happy that he (the boyfriend) was still in touch with his ex. The teenager initially threatened the ex-girlfriend on Facebook…She then texted five explicit pictures of the ex-girlfriend that she found on her boyfriend’s phone to a group of people.”
Not to anyone’s surprise, the parents of the accused teenager found a lawyer who has taken the position that the girl might have been bullying, but child pornography? No way. According to the article, 10 percent of tweens have admitted to sexting. I would not be shocked if the percentage was significantly higher.
Everyone Loses in Everyone’s Shoes?
Whose side should we take here?
The Accused
Is her lawyer saying she couldn’t possibly be accused of child pornography charges because she is a child? If that is the case then, who is the adult responsible for this child? Who is supervising this child? Did her parents abdicate all responsibility? If so, what legal penalties might they be responsible for paying? Are you surprised the accused is a girl and not a boy? Might your thought be that this is a victimless crime – and if so, how might you react if the accused were not 16 but 36?
The Defendant
How would you feel if five, sexually explicit pictures of your daughter were posted online? Let me take it a bit further. How did it come to pass that your daughter’s ex-boyfriend had pictures of your daughter on his phone? How is it that no one ever had a serious discussion with her about boundaries and respect for her own body? I am, in no way, making her into a victim but she had choices as well. The problem was that no adults were teaching her consequences.
The Boyfriend
Assuming the boyfriend is also a teen, he has served as the conduit for this to happen. He took the pictures and he gave out the pictures. He disrespected the first girl, he enabled the accused and in all ways, he disrespected himself and his family. Should he face charges?
Those in Authority
Who is in charge here? The older I get, the angrier I am becoming with those refusing to place boundaries on children. Why? Because I have seen cases where “harmless” sexting has led to pornography, where petty theft led to grand theft, where slapping or hitting will led to violent behavior, all because no adult stepped up to be an adult.
I feel strongly that it is not childhood innocence that has been lost, but strong, compassionate, supportive parents and guardians who have become too self-focused to act as adults.
The kids in this story are not adults, you are. They don’t need adult friends; they need people in their lives who can teach them right from wrong.
YOUR COMMENTS ARE WELCOME!
It’s just sad that teens have to deal with this on top of everything else. =(
Chuck, As you said, no one bothers to teach them and no one protects them. We all want to be “friends.” The media should take some blame too
http://compassionateaction.org/charter-karen-armstrong
Really interesting content. Thanks so much
I’m sure people will take notice when something bad happens ie suicide or when south park do a show on the subject. Good post.
In the “good old times”, parents used fast “methods” to discipline their kids so that they could focus on themselves.Times changed but people are still focusing on themselves because the hard times they are facing! No one prepared them how to deal with parenting issues and moreover kids are growing faster due to multiple causes. One have to be a strong character with a hand on the job attitude that empower him to manage his activities and still have resources to be a good parent! This is how elites are made!
I suppose that Society as a whole must step in with a different approach in kids education some kind of “loco parentis”, because this problem is contgeous and able to make colateral victims!
I suspect 20 years from now we will be blogging about teens sharing their naughty bits via holograms.
There are many young folks who need protection and instruction…..this article brings a few of the points to light…
Personally, I feel like all parties share the responsibility. The question now, is who will actually be held accountable? I think they all should be. From experience with a “sexually interested” 14 year old, it is NOT easy being the parent. The more extreme measures I have taken to keep him away from porn and inappropriate behavior, the more extreme measures he has taken to access it. As a parent, no matter how exhausting it is, you HAVE TO keep fighting to maintain your children’s innocence. If you don’t, who will?