In our lives we all face adversity. It isn’t that adversity occurs, it is how we approach and overcome adversity when it arrives. Changing the way we approach adversity, changes the way we live our lives and the positive outcomes that can follow. These five insights to overcome adversity will change your life.
When I went into federal prison for making the choices to embezzle money from my clients, I didn’t fully understand adversity. I grew up in a single parent home. My mother dearly loved me and always told me I could be “somebody”. That was my focus. I completed a Masters Degree in accounting and as a young man, I was a partner in a prestigious accounting firm. When my life got out of balance financially my approach to overcoming adversity was to steal money. I did not have a concept of what it means to overcome adversity in a healthy way. I could have made better choices, but the choices I made pushed me further out of balance.
Many of us are taught to overcome adversity by “pulling up your boots with your boot straps”. Others are taught that if we have adversity in our lives, then it is because we have done something wrong. Then we are taught to hide adversity with an illusion in order to protect us from the shame of imperfection. Approaching adversity with a different perspective empowers us to truly create a different outcome.
Through my prison experience, I learned five insights that I used to face adversity and changed my approach to overcoming adversity. While some may be foreign to us as it goes against the strong programming of our youth, if you do them, they become familiar as you reprogram your mind.
First – We Create of Lives by the Choices We Make: It is important to understand that we create our lives through our choices and recognize we have the choice on how to respond. I rationalized my choice to embezzle knowing that I was “investing” their money only they didn’t know that investment was me. Then, I had the opportunity (I was in control of my client’s portfolio). Lastly, I rationalized the experience because I needed to live up to the illusion I created.
Second – We are Responsible for Our Choices: Once we understand that we are responsible for our choices, it is imperative that we take an honest look at how we arrived here. There are times we believe that illusions are our reality. Find the courage to look at your reflection in the mirror and look past the illusions. It isn’t always easy, but it is always worth it. We cannot control always what happens to us, but we don’t need to be imprisoned by the experience.
Third – Be Willing to Admit the Truth of Your Choices: Continuing in the illusion just creates the same experience. Yes, it takes courage. When my embezzlement was discovered, I was scared. I asked myself how I could have an outcome where I could continue hiding the truth. The truth was I didn’t have the money nor did I have access to the money to maintain the illusion. I contemplated suicide. The challenge with that approach is that the truth would still be revealed. More importantly, my family would suffer deeply with not only the shame of what I had done, but also in the knowledge I cared so little for them that I chose the easy way out. I called a counselor and I told him the truth and his response was “you made a mistake, you are not a mistake”. Because I admitted the truth to one person, I had found the courage to not only live, but also admit the truth to my partners and my family.
Fourth- Be Willing to Leave the Past Behind: As you tell the truth of the experience, some people may not choose to be connected with you and you may need to not be connected to them. Sometimes you cannot embrace the truth, without leaving some people behind. Yes it is sad, but it is necessary. Your history does not create your destiny.
Fifth – Be Willing to Change: Be willing to change your approach and take whatever steps necessary to make different choices. If we aren’t willing to change, then we will likely get the same outcome. I knew when I went to prison, I would not make the same choices that led to prison. I was willing to do whatever it took to be successful legitimately. Likewise, through my experience in prison, I came to know myself better and understood that if every choice had a consequence, then by a different more empowered set of choices I could find a new life.
There is pain with change. Through the pain we find we are empowered to make different choices to overcome adversity. The direction of our lives will change because we are creating through choice a different outcome. These five insights will help you change the way you approach overcoming adversity.
If you want to know more about how to overcome adversity, contact Chuck for his in depth coaching series called “Second Chances.”
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